Billy Read online

  I kept my face neutral as we loaded our guns and headed out of The Station. I remained calm as we strolled the streets. It was only as Bob was buying his first hotdog of the day that I examined the small ball of panic that had set up camp in my gut.

  A hard dog to keep on the porch? Too bored?

  Was Billy getting bored? I mean it was nearly three months since I’d come home from the Whitsundays, alone except for my crutches. What had followed had been a miserable fortnight, during which I had cried myself to sleep every night, trapped in the country by my return of service.

  And then, like something from a romance novel, Billy had appeared on my doorstop with a backpack, and a bunch of roses. He’d taken leave without pay, because as he said it, ‘If I couldn’t come to him, he’d just have to come to me.’

  And since then he’d spent his days like my live-in maid. Cooking and cleaning. Shopping and walking Cocoa. He spent some time with our parents, but…

  Ice walked up my spine and the little ball of panic seized its moment. It exploded into a cloud of chaos, a storm of insects biting at me from the inside. I battled it for control of my lungs, only just stopping a shriek from escaping me.

  Of course he would get bored. What had I been thinking? He was a lion, and I had him caged up like a pussy cat.

  ‘Chanel.’

  How long? How long did I have before the decay started? How long till he started avoiding my gaze; before he stopped reaching for me at night?

  ‘Chanel.’

  What could I do to stop it? I knew he had applied for a work visa, but would any sort of normal job keep Billy sane?’

  ‘Chanel.’ Bob shook my shoulder.

  ‘What?’ I swung towards him.

  ‘Whoa.’ He skipped back a couple of steps. ‘Your eyes are scary.’

  ‘It’s the sun. It’s just so bright.’

  Bob looked up at the overcast day. ‘Whatever you say.’ He enunciated the words slowly, as he backed away from me. ‘Oh look,’ he pointed at a group of women, ‘they look up to no good.’

  I batted the panic back into a little ball. ‘It’s a group of nuns.’

  ‘Right.’ He stared straight ahead.

  ‘I’m fine.’

  He took a large bite from his hotdog, chewed five times and then swallowed. ‘Don’t let it get to you. I see the two of you together and I can tell it’s the real deal.’

  ‘Bob.’ I peered up at him. ‘Whatever are you talking about?’

  He snorted and shoved more hotdog into his mouth.

  ‘Come on,’ I said, nudging him with my elbow. ‘Let’s go catch some bad people.’

  ***

  ‘Honey, I’m home,’ I said as I shoved the front door open. I threw my bag into its spot by the door and held out my arms just in time to catch Cocoa as he leapt at me.

  ‘Oh good.’ Billy turned towards me and held out a wooden spoon. ‘You’re just in time to try this.

  I froze where I was. He was wearing my hot-pink, frilly apron.

  ‘Quick.’ He waved the spoon around. ‘Before it gets cold.’

  ‘What is it?’ I tried to ignore the apron. Cocoa wriggled around in my arms, his eyes intent on what Billy held out for me. ‘Something good by the look of it.’ I placed Cocoa on the couch and shuffled into the kitchen.

  ‘It’s a recipe I picked up in the grocery store. The woman in the deli said it was to die for.’

  I leaned towards the spoon and let Billy feed me, letting out a moan as the warm soup hit my tastebuds. ‘She was right.’

  ‘Pea and ham soup. So simple to make.’ He turned back towards the stove. ‘The trick is to use a ham hock.’

  The ball of panic started jostling the soup for space. ‘How long?’ it whispered.

  ‘Shut up,’ I hissed back.

  ‘What was that?’ Billy looked over his shoulder as he stirred the contents of the saucepan.

  ‘Nothing.’ I gave him my brightest smile. ‘I’m going to get out of my uniform.’

  ‘I did the washing today. All your clothes are back in your drawers.’

  ‘Thanks.’ I turned and jogged up the stairs to the mezzanine level. ‘Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up,’ I mumbled at the little ball of panic.

  ‘Tess and Dad asked if we’d meet them at Dazzle tonight.’

  ‘Oh, that’s right.’ I stuck my head over the balustrade to stare down at him. ‘The new show starts tonight.’ I couldn’t believe I had forgotten that. Martine would whip my butt and refuse to talk to me for a week if I missed it.

  I hadn’t seen as much of her as usual since Billy had shown up. Luckily she had been preoccupied with long phone conversations with Albert.

  Billy was still stirring the soup when I came back down but his eyes kept flickering to an envelope sitting on the edge of the kitchen bench next to the phone.

  ‘What’s that?’

  ‘What’s what?’

  ‘This.’ I picked up the opened envelope and fanned myself with it.

  ‘Oh.’ He bent and opened the oven door and I was distracted firstly, by the shape of his buttocks in his tight, stone-washed jeans, and then by the amazing smell that wafted out of the oven.

  ‘Is that…fresh bread?’ I bent down next to him and stared into the gap made by the partly-opened door.

  ‘Uhuh. It’s really not that hard to make. Plain flour, yeast, salt and water.’ He shut the door and turned his attention back to the soup. ‘Of course the trick is in letting the dough rise.’ He looked over at me. ‘You sure learn a lot when you go to the grocery store.’

  I let out a snort.

  ‘What?’

  ‘I’m sure you learn a lot.’ The women would be lining up to give Billy cooking tips. Probably inviting him around to check out their special recipes. The ball of panic flexed its muscles as Nathan’s voice sounded in my head.

  Hard dog to keep on the porch.

  ‘How far off is dinner?’

  ‘About half an hour.’

  ‘I might go for a quick run.’ All of a sudden I needed some fresh air. ‘If I’m going to eat bread.’

  I patted my butt and Billy’s eyes widened. He dropped the wooden spoon into the saucepan and turned the stove off.

  ‘I can think of another way we could get you some exercise,’ he growled as he stalked towards me.

  I let out a squeal and ran for the stairs. He caught me at the top, swinging me up easily into his arms. I giggled as he rubbed his stubbled cheek against my neck.

  ‘The bread. The soup,’ I gasped as he dragged his teeth across my earlobe.

  ‘They’ll wait.’ He threw me on the bed and stood staring down at me.

  The desire on his face made my breath catch. All need to be alone fled. I was right where I needed to be. Here. With Billy.

  I was not going to let this go. I would do whatever it took to keep him happy. The panic ball let out a wail as I plucked it out of my chest, but I didn’t have mental room to think about it.

  Billy was larger than life, a bright light blazing through my mind. The sense of him was all consuming and I thought about nothing else for the next couple of hours.

  ***

  ‘Look.’ Mum shoved her left hand at me, her wiggling fingers making the enormous, new diamond ring dance up and down.

  ‘Wow.’ I looked over at Harry and raised my eyebrows.

  He shrugged. ‘She’s worth it.’

  Mum let out a giggle and curled into his side, reaching up to whisper in his ear. Of course her whispers were never quite whisperish enough and I could plainly hear how she was planning on showing him her worth later on.

  ‘Drink?’ Billy and I said in unison.

  He smirked as he threaded his fingers through mine. ‘Maybe you could try that later on tonight?’ he murmured as we pushed our way towards the bar.

  ‘Maybe I will.’ I pulled a face. ‘Not sure if I’m flexible enough, but you never know until you try it.’

  He let out a laugh and moved in front of me, pulling me along behi
nd him. The crowd parted like butter under a hot knife for Billy. Women and men alike left blinking as he passed. Heads pivoted, admiring him as much from the behind as they had from the front. I squashed my urge to yell, ‘He’s mine,’ and instead worked on a smug smile.

  The crowd was thick in anticipation of the new show. Bodies jiggling in time with the D.J. Conversations bubbled and laughter roared. I leant back against the bar, staring out across the packed room.

  Dazzle had come a long way in the last year and I knew it was mainly down to Mum. Not that I would admit that to her. Her head was already too big as it was.

  ‘You want the usual Billy?’ Bruce batted his eyelids and sighed.

  ‘Sure.’ Billy turned towards me.

  ‘Hurhum.’ I cleared my throat and stared at Bruce, who was busy staring at Billy.

  ‘Oh right.’ Bruce flashed me a smile. ‘I’m making you something special I’ve been working on.’ He did a little spin on the spot, picked up a martini shaker and flicked it up into the air. Squatting, he pulled a beer out of the fridge and came back up in time to catch the metal shaker. He winked at Billy, flicked the lid off the beer with the shaker and handed him the glass bottle.

  ‘Impressive.’ I clapped my hands together. ‘You’ve been practising?’

  ‘A guy’s got to do something to pass the time. Seeing as how I’m all alone.’ He dragged a finger along the bar as he looked up through his thick lashes at Billy. Then he flashed me a grin, picked up the martini shaker and threw some ice into it.

  ‘Hey, Girlfriend.’ Bianca’s words accompanied the slapping sensation of her tea towel flicking me on my behind. ‘Haven’t seen you around for ages. You been busy?’

  ‘Working, and well….’ I flashed a guilty look at Billy.

  ‘Oh, right.’ Her smile spread across her beautiful face and she winked at me. ‘Say no more.’ She flicked her tea towel out at Billy. ‘Now don’t you keep her all to yourself, you hear? Some of us need our Chanel shot every now and then.’

  ‘Yes, Ma’am.’ He threw her a salute.

  ‘Come see me later.’ She looked from me to Bruce. ‘The slave master will be all over me if I tell you my news now.’

  ‘News?’

  ‘Ahh uhhh. You’re just going to have to wait.’ She tapped her bottom lip with her fingertip. ‘You free Tuesday?’

  I started to look at Billy.

  ‘He’ll be busy Tuesday. Right, Billy?’

  If it hadn’t been Billy, my big, tough Billy, I would have sworn he flushed a pretty shade of pink.

  Blanca tilted her head to the side and pursed her lips. ‘You haven’t told her?’

  ‘Haven’t told me what?’

  ‘Here you go, Princess.’ Bruce slid a cocktail glass towards me. ‘I’m calling it Little Ray of Sunshine.’ He pushed a second glass over. ‘This one’s for Tess.’

  ‘Tell me what?’ The hair on the back of my neck was standing up. What hadn’t he told me? Why hadn’t he told me?

  ‘You haven’t told her?’ Bruce pushed another beer towards Billy.

  ‘I haven’t really had time.’ Billy coughed and looked over at me and I felt a furious blush wash over my cheeks.

  We hadn’t even had time for the soup and bread before we’d had to rush down to the club.

  ‘Niiiiiicccceeee.’ Bianca winked at me and then sashayed off, the movement of her hips drawing the attention of all of the men in the area.

  Except for Billy, who was staring at the ceiling and picking at the corner of the label on his beer.

  ‘Tell me what?’ Panic was starting to form in my gut again.

  ‘Bruce offered me a job.’

  ‘Oh.’ I let out a little laugh as the tension drained out of my body. ‘Oh.’ I slumped back against the bar and took a sip of my Little Ray of Sunshine.

  He nodded. ‘You’re not angry? You looked like you were going to be angry.’

  ‘That was when I thought….’ I stopped. No need to tell him what crazy things had been racing through my head.

  ‘You thought?’ He smiled and leaned towards me.

  That you were leaving me for someone else. That you were heading back to America.

  ‘You’re smiling here.’ He brushed a fingertip lightly over my lips. ‘But it doesn’t reach here.’ He bent, and I closed my eyes as his lips grazed first one and then the other of my eyelids.

  ‘No.’ I let out a sigh and looked up into his melting-chocolate ones. ‘I’m smiling here.’ I pressed a hand over my heart.

  ‘You were worried?’

  It was uncanny how well he could read me.

  I pulled a face and looked down at my shoes. They were sky high, shiny-silver Jimmy Choo knock-offs I had found on eBay. They were worth looking at.

  ‘The guys at work are running a pool.’

  ‘A bet?’ He sounded placid enough, but when I glanced up his eyes had changed from molten to hard, dark, chocolate.

  I nodded and bit at my bottom lip. ‘They think you’ll get bored and go home.’ I couldn’t help it. Tears formed at the corners of my eyes. I was blaming them on the Little Ray of Sunshine.

  He grasped my chin and turned my face up to his. ‘And what do you think?’

  ‘I think you were wearing a pink, frilly apron and baking bread when I got home today.’

  He blinked and then threw his head back. His laugher cascaded over me like a warm blanket. His body shook as he clasped me to him. ‘Pink…frilly…apron,’ he gasped. He dashed a hand across his eyes and then smiled down at me. ‘You’re right and you’re wrong.’

  ‘About the apron? I mean I saw it. You were definitely wearing it. It looked pretty good on you too.’ I could feel my mouth stretching to match his smile. It felt good to be talking about it.

  ‘No, you’re right about the apron. And you’re right about my being bored.’ He stopped and tugged me back towards him, his arms trying to mould my suddenly stiff body back into his side.

  ‘What you’re wrong about,’ his voice was a throaty growl, ‘is my being bored with this.’ His fingers traced a path down my face. ‘Or this.’ He bent and kissed a trail down the side of my neck. ‘Or this.’

  I had time to take one last shallow breath, though breathing was nearly impossible, before his mouth closed on mine. My heart beat a rugged staccato as he pulled my now malleable body to his.

  I melted, my hands twining into his hair, my legs curling around his. Noise faded away and there was only the sensation of Billy’s body contacting mine.

  ‘Oops, sorry.’ Something sharp wedged into my back. ‘I told you if I wanted a drink I would have to come and get it myself.’

  ‘Sorry Tess,’ Bruce said. ‘I should have sent it over with Bianca.’

  I released Billy’s lips and stepped back, still linked to him by our gazes which threatened to set something alight.

  ‘If you want something done…,’ Mum said.

  I snapped my eyes from Billy’s. It would be totally inappropriate to do the things I was thinking anyway. They were just going to have to wait.

  ‘Sorry,’ I said, smiling at her. ‘Just found out that Billy is now Head of Security at Dazzle.’ I raised an eyebrow and looked at Bruce.

  ‘Head of Security, indeed. Ordering the badge tomorrow.’ Bruce backed nervously away from the bar. ‘I think somebody needs some more Little Rays of Sunshine.’ He grabbed a cocktail shaker and practically sprinted down to the far end of the bar, weaving his way through the staff working that end.

  Billy let out a chuckle and kissed me on the top of my head.

  ‘Head of Security?’ Mum said. ‘We’ve never had a Head of Security before.’ She paused and stared at the ceiling. ‘I like it. It makes Dazzle sound very official.’ She picked up her cocktail glass. ‘Bring me another one when you come, darling. And don’t be long. The show starts soon. Don’t want Martine freaking out when she can’t see you because some gorilla is all over you.’ She flashed Billy a smile, punched him on the shoulder and then pushed her way back throu
gh the crowd.

  ‘There you go.’ I couldn’t be sure but it looked like Bruce was sweating. ‘Two more Sunshines and…,’ he reached into the fridge and came back up with a bottle, ‘a beer for my new Head of Security.’

  ‘Put it on the tab,’ I said. ‘Oh, and do you want to do dinner on Monday?’ Monday was the only day Dazzle was closed.

  ‘Sure.’ His frazzled smile relaxed. ‘Got nothing else cooking.’

  ‘Oh great.’ I laughed as I looked up at Billy. ‘Cause Billy has some great new recipes he’d like to impress you with.’

  Billy barked out a laugh. ‘Do I have to wear the apron?’

  ‘Yes.’ I took a sip of my cocktail. ‘You have to wear the apron.’

  ***

  ‘What did you think?’ The only thing more impressive than Martine, was a super-excited Martine in full drag make-up and costume.

  I put my hands over my ears to block the high-pitched squeals. ‘You were amazing. When you did that…,’ I held my hands up and flipped then around, ‘thing, I nearly fell off my stool.’

  ‘I know, right. I told you it was total amazeballs. Did you get it on video? Please tell me you got it on video.’

  ‘Calm down. I got it.’ I held my phone up.

  ‘Oh.’ She clapped her hands together and bounced up and down. ‘Can you send it to me? Albie is waiting for it.’

  ‘Already sent. Where is he now?’

  ‘Perth.’ She pulled a face. ‘He’s so important. They just don’t give him enough time off. I worry about his health.’ Her frown lasted a millisecond. ‘Oh look, Billy.’

  ‘Martine.’ Billy scooped up her hand and pressed his lips to the back of it. ‘You were magnificent.’

  ‘Oh, you can stop with that,’ she batted her eyelids, ‘in another hour or so.’ She let out a laugh and danced away towards the bar where Mum and Harry had taken up residence.

  ‘Channneeeellllll.’

  I placed my hands over my ears again and turned towards the gaggle of drag queens descending upon me. ‘Chanel.’ Tammy put her hand on my shoulder and leaned in to air-kiss me on both cheeks. ‘Ooooh, you smell divine. What is that?’

  ‘Ummmmm,’ I wracked my brain trying to work out what perfume I was wearing but couldn’t remember putting any on. ‘I think it might be Billy.’ I blushed. ‘I mean his aftershave.’